Treat YOself to a fertility screening!!!
Nickels, I have been debating about the forum I wanted to share my fertility journey. I have been filming a VLOG but have opted to blog instead. Many of my base followers are single, black, and childless females like myself, I wanted to share some insight on my fertility journey in case you are considering a family of your own.
All my life I wanted to be a mom but life had a few plot twist of it’s own. Still, no matter how my life has unfolded, my desire for motherhood never wavered. So, in 2020 when things abruptly slowed down due to the pandemic, I had decided it was time for me to embark on my journey to parenthood. I was first challenged by my marital status. I am a single woman and though we live in a progressive world, most people are not keen to a single woman choosing the path to parenthood. Also, no matter how progressive we are, we still need men for their sperm, which was one of many conundrums. Needless to say, Once I decided to have a child, I made a few phone calls. The first call was to a top rated fertility specialist. This doctor questioned my marital status, “don’t you want to wait until you meet someone?”, she quizzed in a very judgmental like tone.
Nic #1: Find the right doctor for you. Though my first doctor was a top rated fertility specialist and director at an ivy league school, her contempt for my marital status was clear and this would conflict with my own values. Eventually I found a wonderful doctor who was not invested in my marital status rather my fertility. In fact, my doctor highly encouraged me not to wait and endorsed my decision to pursue parenthood alone. My doctor broke down the reproductive process in a scientific yet understandable way. She drew diagrams that were easy to follow. As a visual learner, those diagrams were paramount in helping me comprehend a very complex reproductive system. Plus my doctor checked in at every stage of the process and validated my feelings.
Nic #2: Practice good mental and physical health routines. Fertility can be an emotionally charged and physically taxing process for most women. Even more so, for single women. Most women who try to conceive the traditional way, may track their ovulation, have sex, and then take a pregnancy test after a missed period. Also, women with partners inherit an automatic support system. While the traditional process may have its difficulties too, I can assure you fertility treatment magnifies those difficulties for most women. We women who have gone through fertility treatment are overwhelmed in different ways especially if we are single. We are left to deal with the emotional, financial and physical implications alone. We are poked and prodded, pricked and swabbed by doctors every 2 days, maybe daily. We have to self inject a series of hormones on a tight schedule (3 to 4 needles a day) which leaves us cranky, tired, bloated, and fragile. We are placed under anesthesia, spend countless hours waiting for news, and then BILLED . It is an emotional rollercoaster. After which, we finally make it to the transfer that triggers yet another emotional cycle.
Nic #3: You will need a strong and consistent support system. I found my support in the most unlikely candidates. Shockingly, some people including friends treated fertility treatment like the Cinderella of conception, the unwanted stepchild of pregnancy. The level of insensitivity from people was baffling given we live in the age of science and free information. A friend once, cavalierly ask about miscarriages, she framed it in a way that you would think we were discussing the loss of a debit card not a child, “just get a new one, right?” I found that some people could not connect the humanity in the process and as a result treated me like a science textbook rather than a person with feelings. I can agree babies created with the use of IVF are not conceived with the help of love making “sex” but our babies are still made with lots of love, prayer, effort, and money. When I took my pregnancy test and saw two lines and when the doctor confirmed my results, my heart fluttered like any other mom wishing for the good news. Then, when the doctor said something was wrong and I eventually did miscarry, my heart skipped a beat like anyone else dreading loss. This is why a solid and understanding support system is paramount. My village gave me the support and confidence I needed to try again.
Nic #4: Everything about this process is challenging BUT worth it. The first step is to schedule a consult. Even if you are not yet ready to have a baby at least start the conversation and get your fertility screening. It will give you a better idea of the options available to you. Every woman’s body and hormone levels are different. You will want a customizable plan for you so you may properly plan. In closing, if you are 25 yrs+ and want children some day, please start the conversation with your doctor. The younger you are, the better.
Good luck and God bless!
