As a single mom of 2 under 2, I am always looking for ways to make my life a little more manageable and stepping over a maze of toys on my commute to the kitchen is not my idea of manageable. Personally, I don’t care much for toys. Don’t get me wrong, I loved toys as a kid and there are definitely some staples that keep my little ones engaged. However, most toys just end up broken or creates a mess that I have to clean up. So I wanted to share some gift ideas for those of you who have a special little person to purchase for this upcoming year that are NOT toys yet BOTH kid and parent approved.

1. Lean into gifting an experience. Kids love to explore at any age so thinking of experiences that the kid you are shopping for would like while also considering the flexibility of the parent’s schedule who will accompany said kid (unless of course part of the gift is you taking the kid) will be a well received gift. An example of some experiences you could gift are annual family memberships to age appropriate and local destinations like the zoo, a museum, an aquarium, or an amusement park. An annual membership may not be in everyone’s budget so consider single use tickets to those same destinations that can be redeemed at anytime or at least within a 12 month window. Another experience you could gift are classes like swim, music, or art lessons. Last but not least, a budget friendly experience that never gets old are tickets to the movies, a timeless gift loved by the masses. 
2. Purchase something wearable. A parent will almost always appreciate if you gift their kid clothes, pajamas, shoes, or jewelry. Just be sure to ask mom or dad the kid’s size before making a purchase. Also, please provide a gift a receipt in case the sizing of a particular brand runs too big or too small. 
3. Reading is fundamental and never goes out of style! A nice book is always a great gift for the little ones. Be sure to ask mom or dad if the kid has an electronic device like a tablet or phone that can receive an electronic book. This will be a winner amongst parents as it will reduce clutter.
4. Gift an electronic device like a tablet, phone, watch, headphones, or gaming system if your budget permits. These thing typically have a longer shelf life than a toy and will most definitely be a hit with kids of all ages. 
5. Gift a single use art or science kit. While these types of gifts may get messy at times, they’re perfect for indoor activity days especially due to their educational or developmental nature. Another bonus is that these kits are often one and done which is an added bonus to the parents.
6. Another oldie but goodie are board or cards games! These gifts are the gift that keeps on giving because the whole family can enjoy them. Just be sure to consider the child’s age when deciding on which game to purchase. I am down for a game of nostalgia but not at the expense of my child swallowing and choking on one of the pieces.  
7. If none of the above options suit you as a gift giver try gifting a streaming, game, or music subscription. This gift is especially useful in today economic climate and will definitely be used. Personally, my little one binges on Blaze which is available in Paramount + and Prime. A Disney + subscription will go over nicely as well for parents of little ones. 

My breastfeeding/pumping journey the 2nd time around was much more successful thanks to my doula, my breastfeeding friends, education courses, and these tools! I am a combo feeder so I pump and supplement. These tools I am sharing have been instrumental with ensuring I feel good and I can continue to pump a healthy supply for my daughter.

1. My breast friend: My doula recommended this pillow because I was complaining about neck and back pain while breastfeeding. Once I started using this pillow I received instant pain relief. I do not nurse much anymore but I still use this pillow when feeding my daughter a bottle https://a.co/d/iDgzhiI
2. Bottle sterilizer: I sterilize my daughter’s bottles and my pump parts daily. I love my Philips AVENT Microwave Steam Sterilizer because it is reusable and easy to use. https://a.co/d/0tI9H3a
3. Milk collection cups: These cups replaced my need for breast pads. I do not care for breast pads because they are not as absorbent as I would like. Also, I think they hold odor. The benefit of using collection cups is I can utilize the milk I collect throughout the day and I smell better. I am not constantly leaking through my bras and shirts with these cups https://a.co/d/8iPqUXV
4. Glass bottles: I prefer glass bottles (though I do have plastic AVENT bottles too) because glass has been known to be a less toxic material and they warm my daughter’s bottles more efficiently https://a.co/d/hXeEr6X
5. Bottle warmer/Food processor: Speaking of warming bottles, this baby food processor doubles as a bottle warmer. My son was formula fed so I never used the bottle warmer when he was an infant. However, my daughter takes 4 breast milk bottles a day so I use the warmer quite often. https://a.co/d/bJ2q4t4
6. Wearable Breast Pump: I absolutely love my Elvie Stride Hands-Free Wearable pump. I can pump on the go or while washing dishes or playing with the kids. I am not limited on where and when I can pump as long as my pump is charged and ready to go! https://a.co/d/5jNXqDW

Preparing for postpartum the first time around was a minefield. I had no idea what to expect nor did I know what was needed for recovery. As I have mentioned in previous post, my son, was a pandemic baby so the information and resources available my first round were limited. The good news about being a second time mom especially so soon after being a first time mom, is that I knew exactly what I needed to make my postpartum recovery more successful. Hopefully, if you are an expecting mother and reading this, this will help you. 

First off, the second time around I hired a doula. I think my experience with a doula deserves its own blog post because it was AMAZING so I will not ramble too much on this post. What I will say is that hiring a doula was worth the expense and thankfully, I was able to secure several doulas for a reasonable cost. My doulas were able to provide guidance, support, and resources that I did not have access to the first time. While I do have a village of supportive family and friends, my doulas were able to fill in the gaps. They provided customizable care when I needed. 

Next, I meal prepped this go around. This was a prudent decision because unlike my first time around, I knew this time I would need to provide for another little human, my firstborn.I cooked easy to make and freeze meals that I knew my son would eat like spaghetti, lasagna, and chili. Also, I picked these types of meals because not only do they freeze well but my doula mentioned warm meals were good for my breastmilk production. In addition to cooking freezable meals, I purchased canned soups, carton soups, frozen dinners from trader joes, and instant oatmeals for quick microwavable meals for us as well. I had enough meals prepped to cover at least 4 weeks of postpartum.

The third thing I took seriously this time around was breastfeeding and pumping eduction. I took 2 courses leading up my delivery of baby #2 because my first time around I had so much misinformation about breastfeeding and it led to a lack of supply. Unlike my first time, I have been producing enough milk to successfully combo feed. With the help of my doula, additional eduction, and the right tools my breastfeeding/pumping journey has been more successful.

Then, similar to baby #1, I started nesting around 32 weeks and thank God for that because baby girl came early. I began sorting through my son’s old clothes and items to see which things I could use for baby girl. I took stock of what I did not have and made it a priority to restock on those items. We needed a lot of bath time goodies

In addition to the above prep, I was sure to have all the right things at home and in the bathroom ready for use to help my body recover from labor and delivery. I put together a postpartum basket that include witch hazel foam and cooling wipes from my Frida mom kit, vaginal pads, medical pads, disposable underwear, Tylenol, and stool softeners. This prevented me from having to make a trip to the store after giving birth like I had to do with my first. Though, I did make a trip to store to pick up some stuff for my baby but this time I used my Target app and did a drive up order vs limping around the store. 

Finally, I squeezed in some much needed self care in the last hour of pregancy. I was extremely stressed my second pregnancy. I was living  with my parent and one of my siblings had moved back home a couple of months before I delivered and we were having a difficult time with the transition. This caused issues with my childcare and made for a very uncomfortable home life, keep in my mind I work from home. So, one day I took a Friday off and got my hair blowout, a pregnancy massage, and pedicure before picking my son up for daycare. Also, throughout my pregnancy this time, I worked out and I even took a serious of pregnancy yoga classes thanks to the help of my friend/sister who offered to watch my son why I took classes. 

All of my prep helped to ensure I was somewhat sane with the transition from a family of 2 to 3. I cannot imagine how chaotic my life would have been if I did not do this prep ahead of my second born’s arrival.  

Let me start by saying I had to throw my own celebrations for welcoming my kids which was a bit unexpected considering I always thought when the time came my mom or a loved one would throw me a shower; it is quite customary. However, that did not happen but still, the show must go on. Once I got passed the initial disappointment, I was determined to be celebrated during this monumental life event and determined to celebrate my son too. As such, I planned and executed my own shower. Then, the following year, I planned and executed my daughter’s sprinkle. Overall both events were nice and a great celebration of life without breaking the bank. Also, I hosted both events following the births of my children so they served as an opportunity for loved ones to meet my little ones for the first time as well. Below are some of the similarities and differences I noticed with planning these 2 events.

Guest list:
My son’s shower was during the winter and a global pandemic which turned out to be an advantage for me financially. Everything had to be done on a smaller scale in terms of party size so I kept the guest list very intimate. The guest list consisted of about 25 of my closest friends and family. Whereas, my daughter was born in 2023, the year the mask mandates were lifted and she was a summer baby. I was able to accommodate a much larger guest list for her event. I invited about 40 people to my daughter’s sprinkle.

Food:
I wanted to offer a hot yet affordable meal during my son’s shower so I had a ‘create your own pasta’ station with salad and breadsticks from one of my favorite Italian food chains. In addition, I had plenty of treats for everyone. I saved money by ordering cupcakes from a local grocery store’s bakery and moving them into individual cupcake boxes. Also, I made the chocolate covered treats which included covered Oreos, rice crispy treats, and pretzels. On the contrary, for my daughter sprinkle, which is a smaller scale version of a shower for baby #2, I did not offer food at all. I hired an ice cream truck to serve ice cream and water ice only.

Invitations and poster:
For both events I used a combination of the free version of Paperless Post to communicate details to my guest and Canva to design customized invitation flyers. My son’s invitation was more playful and airy. Whereas, my daughter’s invitation was a bit more elegant in terms of design. Ironically, my son’s actual shower was more elegant than my daughter’s playful sprinkle. It is fair to say, the invitations were not indicative of the type of events they each had. Also, I created enlarged posters for both events using the printing service at Staples to welcome my guest to the event. I spent more money on my son’s poster because I used a higher quality poster paper. For daughter’s sprinkle, I got smarter and used a lesser quality poster paper but invested in a poster frame for $8 to elevate the look for less money.

Decor:
For my son’s shower, we had a ballon arch, a backdrop, and a table scape for each table. For my daughter’s sprinkle we had a ballon arch and a small but unique set up for her gifts. My daughter’s sprinkle was outdoors so we took advantage of the ground real estate by providing lawn blankets to guest rather than renting tables and chairs so no table scape needed. However, my son’s shower was indoors and though the tables and chairs were provided, I was responsible for elevating the space by decorating the tables with table cloth, dry flower arrangements, and candles. By far, the decor for my son’s event cost me more than my daughter sprinkle which was much more simple.

Venue:
My son’s shower was held at a local historic hotel’s banquet hall. I paid a fee for renting the hall but I did save money by using outside catering and I was lucky to find a venue that allowed that option. My daughter’s sprinkle was on the lawn of a local church and cost me nothing. I did make a voluntary small donation to the church for their generosity.

Favors:
I am a big fan of practical favors that guest can actual use. For my son’s shower I provided themed chapsticks in addition to the treats and cupcakes. For my daughter’s sprinkle I provided themed writing pens.

Games:
For my son’s shower I wanted to play games that were different than the typical baby shower games I have played in the past but still baby/mom centric. I landed on the following games:
◦ The price is right with items I had actually purchased or received for my son using the app menti.com. I asked guest to login to menti using their phones and guess the price of an item listed without going over. Winners of this game won an e.l.f facial mask and face roller.
◦ Left/Right game which was played by sharing my actual birth story and incorporating the words ‘left’ and ‘right’ in the story. My guest were ask to pass around a pencil to their left or right. The last person holding the pencil at the end of my story won the table’s flower arrangement.
◦ A classic game of who knows mom best. I printed small pieces of papers with a series of questions about me. The person who got the most answers correct won an e.l.f facial mask and face roller.

Also, I had an icebreaker using menti which was a baby photo of a celebrity mother (Michelle Obama) and my guest had to guess which celebrity it was with only a few hints.

For my daughter’s sprinkle, I did not have organized games but I did purchase a 4 foot connect four set, a limbo set, twister, double dutch rope, as well as a small slide for guest to enjoy at their own leisure.

Nickels, I prepared a different article for part 4 which was a ‘what’s in my hospital bag’ but I found this topic much more interesting. There is a secret vault of information that apparently only moms tend to share with other moms or moms-to-be about what to expect after expecting. I do not recall any of my mom friends talking to me about their postpartum experiences prior to me becoming pregnant and there are a lot of experiences to talk about. A woman’s lifestyle, body, and abilities all change in the “fourth quad-mester”, it’s surreal. Every woman is different but here are the things I’ve experienced that may prepare you after birth.

Expect to bleed…a lot: Upon giving birth vaginally I bled for weeks! I will never forget when my best friend told me to prepare for this. I jokingly said I noticed my mom friends omitted some information about pregnancy until I became pregnant and she replied “well here is something you may not have known, you’re going to bleed….a lot” and she was right. I want to be clear that by “a lot” I don’t mean quantity but duration. There is bleeding and some soreness in the beginning. The soreness subsided within a few days for me but I continuously bled every day for weeks. I went through quite a few pads and disposable underwear but by week 3 I was able to wear just a panty liner for spotting. There are products that address this particular postpartum area of opportunity such as the Frida Mom’s 33-Piece Postpartum Recovery Essentials Kit which a good friend of mine purchased for me. The set comes with some disposable underwear, cooling wipes, cooling foam, and cool packs for your vaginal area. Also, the peri bottle I was given at the hospital was huge help. A peri bottle is kind of like a manual bidet. It brought me much relief plus it sanitized my bottom since whipping was a bit challenging in the beginning. Lastly, I purchased a pack of adult diapers and absorbent reusable Knix underwear to wear once I ran out of the Frida mom kit. I really like the Knix reusable underwear but I will say I waited until I was a few weeks postpartum to wear them because doing laundry was not a top priority on my to-do list in the beginning. 

Expect to be sleep deprived: I remember asking my delivery nurse for a nap after my 14 hour labor and delivery. The nurse assured me I could rest once I got to my recovery room but she lied. I did not, I repeat, I DID NOT get to rest in the hospital after giving birth. Every hour a nurse, a doctor, or a staff member came into our room to check on me or the baby. Plus I had to complete paperwork, order food, pump, get my vitals checked, and respond to congratulation calls. There is a saying, “the hospital is where you go to not rest” and that is the truth. Upon arriving home, I was in full mommy mode with a newborn and nothing could have prepared me for the type of sleep deprivation I experienced the first 2 weeks of postpartum. I was a zombie and I have no idea how I got anything done. In fact, I do not remember anything from my first two weeks as a new mom other than being TIRED. However, by week 3 my body did something miraculous, it adjusted to my new sleep schedule. I just got use to operating tired and I was able to function like normal, well my new normal.

Expect some challenges with breast feeding or thank the milk Gods if you don’t: I knew before having my son I wanted to combo feed with breast milk and formula. What I did not realize was that combo feeding would impact my milk supply. Essentially, I was telling my body that I did not need as much breast milk because I was supplementing with formula. Therefore, I was not producing much breast milk. I have only been able to produce a bottle a day but my goal was for breast milk to make up 50% of my baby’s diet. Additionally, I messed up by not pumping with every feed as recommended. I did attempt to course correct by seeing a Lactation consultant, changing my diet, and purchasing OTC products but nothing has worked. I am not really hard on myself about it but I do regret not just picking one lane. Combo feeding may work for some but for me doing both was laboring and expensive.

Expect not to bounce back: Some women immediately revert back to their pre-pregnancy body with little to no effort but that was not the case for me. I was not in my best shape prior to getting pregnant and I gained an additional 40 lbs while pregnant. Also, I had swollen ankles my entire pregnancy and immediately after giving birth I had swollen everything. My ankles, my legs, and my face were all swollen from labor and stayed that way for weeks. Then there are the stretch marks. Some women do not get stretch marks but I was not so lucky. Needless to say, I have not been loving my new body and I feel pressure to bounce back. There are many visuals of women on social media who look like models after giving birth but that’s just not everyone’s reality; it certainly has not been mine. I plan to lose the weight eventually but at my own pace in healthy way. In the meantime I am working on having a more body positive attitude because this body created a miracle.

Expect bills bills bills: I like to think I am a planner so I got what I thought I needed to begin our journey as mother and child. I quickly learned I could not anticipate all our needs in advance. Of course, I was able to plan for the basics but parenting goes beyond the basics. Almost everyday I identified something we needed that I did not have. Additionally, the medical bills came in within a month after his birth and even with health insurance we had run up quite the bill. Thankfully, I did save for my medical expenses, check out Pregnancy Preparedness: Part 1- Financial Readiness. Even so, the other cost of having a child added up quickly. My advice for new parents is if possible set aside a small reserve while pregnant to address unexpected expenses.

Expect to forget: I knew pregnancy brain was a thing but so is postpartum brain. My brain is always scattered and I find it difficult to organize my thoughts. I misplace things, I lose my train of thought, I miss appointments. You name it, I have misplaced it or forgotten it. I think this is because as a new parent my mind is inundated with all of the essential stuff I need to know about my baby that I have little room to care about anything else. I hope this resolves itself as I become a more experienced mom.

Expect to become “one of those moms”: There were a lot of things I said I was not going to do like talk about my child in every conversation with another adult, have a million pictures in my phone of my baby doing boring stuff like sleeping, or have a bunch of baby stuff around the house. Well, the joke was one me. It’s funny because I would say these things to my mom friends and they would be like “yeah ok, you’ll see” lol. Firstly, a minimalistic lifestyle is difficult with a baby because quite frankly they just need a lot of stuff and that stuff comes in huge ass boxes! Also, I try not to make every conversation about my baby but people ask me about him all the time and I have to show them pictures too, right? I have indeed become “one of those moms” which is essentially is just a mom. 

Comment below to let me know what you experienced in postpartum and if you were prepared.

When I was family planning I knew I needed to better understand my own health metrics to understand how they may impact a pregnancy. Essentially, I wanted to confirm my body was equipped to take on the task of carrying a healthy baby to term given the high maternal mortality rate in the African American community. Here are some things I did to confirm I was physically and mentally able to have a baby.

Conventional health screening: I scheduled a basic biometric screening to check my BMI, blood pressure, and blood sugar levels.

Women’s Wellness Screening: I scheduled my annual women’s wellness check up to have a standard pap-smear performed and to discuss some basics regarding my reproductive health.

Cardio Screening: Due to a history of abnormal Electrocardiograms (EKG) I decided I needed to investigate this issue before going any further in the fertility process. I had a series of tests administered such as a stress test, a chemical stress test, and a computed tomography scan (CT scan). The first two tests were abnormal but my CT scan came back normal which ruled out heart disease.

Fertility Screening: While my OB/GYN was my first line of defense when it came to my reproductive health I knew I would need some additional assistance getting pregnant. I proceeded with scheduling initial consultations with a couple fertility clinics before settling on the one I would ultimately use on an ongoing basis. My consultation was followed up by a thorough screening which included an assessment of my hormone levels, genetic testing to screen for DNA disorders that could be potentially harm my child, an ultrasound to examine my female organs, a saline ultrasound to determine if my fibroids would impact my pregnancy, and a HSG screening to ensure there were no obstructions in any of my essential reproductive parts.

Mental Health Screening: Finally, my fertility clinic required me and all its clients to have a psychological exam done before moving forward with any treatment plan. Lucky for me I already had a mental health provider and therefore, I discussed family planning with my therapist. My doctor and I talked through various sensitive subjects such as postpartum depression and what it would mean to be a single parent.

Please comment below and let me know healthy steps you’ve taken to prepare for parenthood. Did you family plan with your healthcare provider?

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