The Elephant in the room
Hey Nickels, as this site is inspired by us single black females, it is time we have to address the elephant in the room. Why are we single? Honestly, let me first say, we single ladies hate being asked that very loaded question but since asked, we’re just as bewildered as you are readers. I have no answer to explain this phenomenon but I have my theories. Before I share my thoughts I would like to share the following quote from one of my favorite civil rights activist.
“The most disrespected woman in America, is the Black Woman. The most un-protected person in America is the Black Woman. The most neglected person in America, is the Black Woman.”
Malcom x
So, why might we be single…
#1: Welfare-gate, let me explain. Once on a trip to Sarasota with my Grandma and her girlfriends I learned that during the 70’s many families in need were not eligible to apply for welfare if there was a man in the household. In an effort to garnish the help much needed, some women disassociate themselves with their companions. I am a lifestyle blogger not an investigator so I have not verified the validity of these accusations but I believe it plausible. After all, this would not be the first time in American history our government was responsible for tearing families a part, right? I imagine welfare-gate had some everlasting implications to the foundation of the American household, particularly in the black community as it is rare to see two parent households.
#2: Reproductive Scientific advances such as Intrauterine insemination (IUI) and In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) has opened up opportunities for women to have families independent of men. Yes, sperm is still needed but you can purchase it at a cryobank along with a complete record of genetic and medical history for a nominal fee.
#3: Remember the Destiny’s Child song, ‘Independent Women’? Well the independent woman era may be another motive behind the influx of unmarried women. Several historical events such as the ratification of the 19th amendment (giving women the right to vote), the mobilization of women in the workforce during WWII, the Me Too movement, and other social justice actions have supported an atmosphere for women to thrive without partners. As more women are becoming the educated, high earners, and filling up spaces they were once not welcomed, it is understandable why some women are choosing a simpler and satisfactory lifestyle being single.
#4: I have a theory that social media has caused a huge supply and demand issue. It is challenging to support an environment conducive to exclusivity when men and women have access to a myriad of people outside of their immediate network. Superficial or otherwise, relationships are being forged rapidly and it is hard to keep up with dating trends.
#5: The not so flattering possible cause for why black women are single is they are just not that into us. Many outlets conclude black women are the less desirable to suitors of all races. We’ve all heard the stereotypes bequeathed on us by prominent and influential men.
#6: We’re just not that into them. The amount of trauma inherited just for being a black woman in this country is monumental. Some of us are damaged goods, it is enough to reject the mere idea of a suitor. Some of us simply do not have the skillset to be loved because we struggle with loving ourselves. We live in a society that has demonized us for being black and female. That is a hell of a lot of love to give ourselves to compensate for the lack of love received. Plus we have seen our mommas do it alone. I, as well as many other black people are byproducts of a single parent household. Then there are those few brave souls who do manage to overcome adversity but somehow are still cheated out of a great love story.
#7: Finally, some women are simply satisfied single. I am at times one of those women. There is plenty of life to live without a partner. We do not live in the 19th century when being single would condemn us to a life as a spinster or a whore. There is a generous amount of freedom that comes with our independence. Also, being single does not mean, we are alone. Find a good group of friends, heal kinships, and extend your village. There are enough people in the universe to befriend platonically.
Comment below to let us know why you’re single.