Are you ovu-late to the party?

Lately, I have not posted much about fertility because of my promise to you, my Nickels to keep it light and airy. However, just this once I need to break my own rule; I hope that is okay. Many of you have inquired about the status of my fertility journey and I think it is now the time to share. Before I do share, I would like to preface this post by stating this is will be my last post on a fertility topic. At the time I started my blog my goal was to inform and encourage women to explore their fertility wellness. I did not think at that time there were enough resources and platforms for women to freely explore their fertility options and reproductive health. Personally, I was not sure where to get started or how to proceed when I first began my journey because fertility stuff is not generally apart of our standard women’s wellness screenings. I found that if I did not know to ask certain questions I would likely not get the service I needed at my screenings let alone be redirected to a fertility specialist. This is why it was important for me to create this platform for others. I hope this blog served as a starting point for the novice forging or wishing to forge a path to parenthood now or in the future. However, today I am happy to see there are tons of resources available including CDC campaigns and celebrity endorsed branding that support women’s wellness. I feel comfortable letting off the gas and allowing the bigger platforms to do what they do best, magnify an important subject. It has been a pleasure and a honor to share my journey with you during these past 6 months. I believe I have reached the pinnacle of my efforts and as such, it is time for me to press new creative boundaries with my brand. If you are still interested in fertility topics please be sure to check out my other fertility articles to learn more.

Let jump into it!

Upon miscarrying back October I gave myself a few weeks to grieve before pursuing another 2 rounds of IVF. I did not share my next 2 attempts with many people like I had done before. I opted to only share minor details on social media but nothing too invasive. I wanted to take a more private approach this time around given my first experience was so public. It was important for me to protect my peace and stay in a positive head space. I replaced my reliance on people with fasting, praying and meditating. Though I am not a religious person I wanted to rely on God’s guidance and support during those rounds.

I went into my 2nd attempt without the support of my phenomenal doctor; she was on maternity leave. The doctors who cared for me in her absence were all males and though very competent, they lacked bedside manner. One doctor in particular called during the middle of my cycle and in so many words encouraged me to discontinue my cycle. As I have shared before I have a low eggs reserve which is not a dealbreaker. However, this doctor found my slow maturation process and low egg reserve disconcerting. I do not wish to share all the details of my 2nd attempt but in short, it was unsuccessful.

For my 3rd attempt I was seen by my amazing doctor again! She had returned from maternity leave. I was met with new and unique challenges this round. First, my follicles were not maturing at all. After several days of attempting to mature my follicles and increasing my hormone levels to the highest dosages I had surpassed the timeframe it took for my previous 2 attempts. In addition, I was being inundated at work and we were experiencing frequent winter weather storms in the area. These factors made the commute to my appointments difficult. My mental and physical health were starting to take a nosedive. I had gone into a state of depression by day 15 of my treatment. I can recount returning home from my appointment that day and sitting in the car crying for over a hour. I posted an encrypted photo and message to instagram that day talking about how it is okay to cry. Later that same evening, my nurse called to instruct me to take a dose of Certritide, an ovulation suppressant the first thing the next morning. I reminded the nurse that I had taken all 3 injections of the Certritide at the onset of my cycle as instructed and I was never directed to order more. I could tell the nurse was frantic on her end of the phone. She was trying to organize a way for us to meet so she could give me the medication but finally opted on directing me to take the medication in the evening the next day.

The following Monday I was seen by doctor and to put this in context, generally I am seen by the medical staff for ultrasounds and bloodwork. My doctor would only see me in person for consultations and procedures. I was happy to see my doctor but I knew her in person visit meant she needed to deliver some news. I was on day 17 of my medication which was unprecedented even for me. The doctor and I discussed my situation. She began introducing alternative parenting solutions such as using a donor’s embryo to conceive, this option would be similar to an adoption. After reviewing a few other alternatives including IUI, the doctor finally asked me what I wanted to do. I told her I wanted to stay the course and continue the cycle. She supported my decision and began preparing for my ultrasound. During my ultrasound I could tell by her demeanor something was wrong. She got up abruptly and told me she needed to look at something. When she returned she had a look of dismay on her face as she reported my prognosis, ‘you have ovulated, you lost your mature eggs’. I burst into tears and I mean a hysterical cry. I could tell she wanted to comfort me but you know, covid. She settled for a pat on the knee and handed me a box of a tissue. All that medication and days of preparing were gone! It is my belief my unexpected ovulation was caused by missing my first morning dose of the Cetritide.

Once I was able to gather myself I asked my doctor about the next steps. She wanted to perform an IUI that day in an effort to salvage one of the less mature eggs. She performed the procedure to no avail. Also, that day she voiced her concerns for me and the IVF process. She believed I was putting too much stress on my body and that the plan may have been too aggressive from the start. She mentioned that while IVF has a higher success rate it has been correlated with certain cancers. Additionally, she reinforced the general opinion that IVF is a preferable option in more severe cases of infertility. In my case I was believed to be fertile but just limited in options due to my relationship status. She encouraged me to explore less aggressive options such as IUI. Lastly, she stressed that despite the many medical advancements in fertility there are still many mysteries in the process such as pinpointing the best cycle for a women to try. Even the most fertile women do not produce viable eggs 100% of the time. In fact, most fertile aged women have an 80% chance of conceiving during any giving year which means 2 months out of year a woman can have an all nonviable egg cycle.

Ultimately, I took my doctor’s advice did not pursue another round IVF plus my insurance benefit was on the verge of depletion. I could not afford another treatment even if I wanted to. In closing, I have endured some fertility challenges such as bias doctors, a limited donor selection, lack of support, expensive medical bills, a negligent nurse, diagnosis of fibroids, and many failed attempts including a miscarriage but still, I have no regrets. I learned a lot about my body and reproductive system. Also, if I am being honest I am single person nearing the geriatric pregnancy age without a prospect in sight. I never thought I would have the opportunity to have kids so I am blessed to have had the opportunity to at least try. I am grateful. Comment below if you are reading this and are going through your own fertility journey. I want to send you some peace, love, and baby dust!