Nickels, I prepared a different article for part 4 which was a ‘what’s in my hospital bag’ but I found this topic much more interesting. There is a secret vault of information that apparently only moms tend to share with other moms or moms-to-be about what to expect after expecting. I do not recall any of my mom friends talking to me about their postpartum experiences prior to me becoming pregnant and there are a lot of experiences to talk about. A woman’s lifestyle, body, and abilities all change in the “fourth quad-mester”, it’s surreal. Every woman is different but here are the things I’ve experienced that may prepare you after birth.

Expect to bleed…a lot: Upon giving birth vaginally I bled for weeks! I will never forget when my best friend told me to prepare for this. I jokingly said I noticed my mom friends omitted some information about pregnancy until I became pregnant and she replied “well here is something you may not have known, you’re going to bleed….a lot” and she was right. I want to be clear that by “a lot” I don’t mean quantity but duration. There is bleeding and some soreness in the beginning. The soreness subsided within a few days for me but I continuously bled every day for weeks. I went through quite a few pads and disposable underwear but by week 3 I was able to wear just a panty liner for spotting. There are products that address this particular postpartum area of opportunity such as the Frida Mom’s 33-Piece Postpartum Recovery Essentials Kit which a good friend of mine purchased for me. The set comes with some disposable underwear, cooling wipes, cooling foam, and cool packs for your vaginal area. Also, the peri bottle I was given at the hospital was huge help. A peri bottle is kind of like a manual bidet. It brought me much relief plus it sanitized my bottom since whipping was a bit challenging in the beginning. Lastly, I purchased a pack of adult diapers and absorbent reusable Knix underwear to wear once I ran out of the Frida mom kit. I really like the Knix reusable underwear but I will say I waited until I was a few weeks postpartum to wear them because doing laundry was not a top priority on my to-do list in the beginning. 

Expect to be sleep deprived: I remember asking my delivery nurse for a nap after my 14 hour labor and delivery. The nurse assured me I could rest once I got to my recovery room but she lied. I did not, I repeat, I DID NOT get to rest in the hospital after giving birth. Every hour a nurse, a doctor, or a staff member came into our room to check on me or the baby. Plus I had to complete paperwork, order food, pump, get my vitals checked, and respond to congratulation calls. There is a saying, “the hospital is where you go to not rest” and that is the truth. Upon arriving home, I was in full mommy mode with a newborn and nothing could have prepared me for the type of sleep deprivation I experienced the first 2 weeks of postpartum. I was a zombie and I have no idea how I got anything done. In fact, I do not remember anything from my first two weeks as a new mom other than being TIRED. However, by week 3 my body did something miraculous, it adjusted to my new sleep schedule. I just got use to operating tired and I was able to function like normal, well my new normal.

Expect some challenges with breast feeding or thank the milk Gods if you don’t: I knew before having my son I wanted to combo feed with breast milk and formula. What I did not realize was that combo feeding would impact my milk supply. Essentially, I was telling my body that I did not need as much breast milk because I was supplementing with formula. Therefore, I was not producing much breast milk. I have only been able to produce a bottle a day but my goal was for breast milk to make up 50% of my baby’s diet. Additionally, I messed up by not pumping with every feed as recommended. I did attempt to course correct by seeing a Lactation consultant, changing my diet, and purchasing OTC products but nothing has worked. I am not really hard on myself about it but I do regret not just picking one lane. Combo feeding may work for some but for me doing both was laboring and expensive.

Expect not to bounce back: Some women immediately revert back to their pre-pregnancy body with little to no effort but that was not the case for me. I was not in my best shape prior to getting pregnant and I gained an additional 40 lbs while pregnant. Also, I had swollen ankles my entire pregnancy and immediately after giving birth I had swollen everything. My ankles, my legs, and my face were all swollen from labor and stayed that way for weeks. Then there are the stretch marks. Some women do not get stretch marks but I was not so lucky. Needless to say, I have not been loving my new body and I feel pressure to bounce back. There are many visuals of women on social media who look like models after giving birth but that’s just not everyone’s reality; it certainly has not been mine. I plan to lose the weight eventually but at my own pace in healthy way. In the meantime I am working on having a more body positive attitude because this body created a miracle.

Expect bills bills bills: I like to think I am a planner so I got what I thought I needed to begin our journey as mother and child. I quickly learned I could not anticipate all our needs in advance. Of course, I was able to plan for the basics but parenting goes beyond the basics. Almost everyday I identified something we needed that I did not have. Additionally, the medical bills came in within a month after his birth and even with health insurance we had run up quite the bill. Thankfully, I did save for my medical expenses, check out Pregnancy Preparedness: Part 1- Financial Readiness. Even so, the other cost of having a child added up quickly. My advice for new parents is if possible set aside a small reserve while pregnant to address unexpected expenses.

Expect to forget: I knew pregnancy brain was a thing but so is postpartum brain. My brain is always scattered and I find it difficult to organize my thoughts. I misplace things, I lose my train of thought, I miss appointments. You name it, I have misplaced it or forgotten it. I think this is because as a new parent my mind is inundated with all of the essential stuff I need to know about my baby that I have little room to care about anything else. I hope this resolves itself as I become a more experienced mom.

Expect to become “one of those moms”: There were a lot of things I said I was not going to do like talk about my child in every conversation with another adult, have a million pictures in my phone of my baby doing boring stuff like sleeping, or have a bunch of baby stuff around the house. Well, the joke was one me. It’s funny because I would say these things to my mom friends and they would be like “yeah ok, you’ll see” lol. Firstly, a minimalistic lifestyle is difficult with a baby because quite frankly they just need a lot of stuff and that stuff comes in huge ass boxes! Also, I try not to make every conversation about my baby but people ask me about him all the time and I have to show them pictures too, right? I have indeed become “one of those moms” which is essentially is just a mom. 

Comment below to let me know what you experienced in postpartum and if you were prepared.

When I was family planning I knew I needed to better understand my own health metrics to understand how they may impact a pregnancy. Essentially, I wanted to confirm my body was equipped to take on the task of carrying a healthy baby to term given the high maternal mortality rate in the African American community. Here are some things I did to confirm I was physically and mentally able to have a baby.

Conventional health screening: I scheduled a basic biometric screening to check my BMI, blood pressure, and blood sugar levels.

Women’s Wellness Screening: I scheduled my annual women’s wellness check up to have a standard pap-smear performed and to discuss some basics regarding my reproductive health.

Cardio Screening: Due to a history of abnormal Electrocardiograms (EKG) I decided I needed to investigate this issue before going any further in the fertility process. I had a series of tests administered such as a stress test, a chemical stress test, and a computed tomography scan (CT scan). The first two tests were abnormal but my CT scan came back normal which ruled out heart disease.

Fertility Screening: While my OB/GYN was my first line of defense when it came to my reproductive health I knew I would need some additional assistance getting pregnant. I proceeded with scheduling initial consultations with a couple fertility clinics before settling on the one I would ultimately use on an ongoing basis. My consultation was followed up by a thorough screening which included an assessment of my hormone levels, genetic testing to screen for DNA disorders that could be potentially harm my child, an ultrasound to examine my female organs, a saline ultrasound to determine if my fibroids would impact my pregnancy, and a HSG screening to ensure there were no obstructions in any of my essential reproductive parts.

Mental Health Screening: Finally, my fertility clinic required me and all its clients to have a psychological exam done before moving forward with any treatment plan. Lucky for me I already had a mental health provider and therefore, I discussed family planning with my therapist. My doctor and I talked through various sensitive subjects such as postpartum depression and what it would mean to be a single parent.

Please comment below and let me know healthy steps you’ve taken to prepare for parenthood. Did you family plan with your healthcare provider?